Texas Board of Education approves pro-automobile curriculum
In reaction to U.S. Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood's major policy announcement last week that aims to give bicycling and walking the same consideration as driving, the Texas Board of Education just approved a social studies curriculum that stresses the superiority of the automobile over other modes. "We are adding balance," said Dr. Dan McMann, member of the Board. Another board member, Brad Davidson, told other board members, "I'll buy you dinner if you can find protection for bicyclists and pedestrians in the Constitution."
Mann's call-to-action came when his son was shown the film, "Contested Streets," in civics class. McMann calls the film, which explores the history and culture of New York City streets from pre-automobile times to the present, "disgusting" and a "big fat lie." New York City resident "Horace" (last name withheld out of fear of getting beat up by Transportation Alternatives director Paulo Black) asserted, "Our government has no right meddling with my five cars. You will have to pry my keys from my cold dead hands."
Motorists celebrated in Boston last night with a huge pro-car demonstration Commonwealth Avenue by the BU Bridge. Pro-car advocates outnumbered advocacy groups 10 to 1. Signs saying, "Bike lanes stink," "walkers are pansies," "buses will rot in hell," bobbed up and down. A dozen counter protesters, members of the LivableStreets Alliance, were badly beaten. AAA Southern New England senior vice president Laura Almond, released a statement this morning stating, "Well, ahem, everyone would rather drive over the BU bridge than walk or bike, right?"
MBTA fiscal crisis averted, renamed boaT to honor new sponsor
The Bank of America has agreed to loan the MBTA about $100 million dollars to bridge this year's budget deficit. Abby Lacey, spokeswoman for Bank of America, said at a press conference yesterday, "Well, the Legislature dug themselves quite a hole here burdening the MBTA with billions in Big Dig Debt and not providing an adequate funding stream. We're the bank and we're here to help!" Transportation Secretary Jed Mulligan only had one word to say for the deal, "Thanks!"
In exchange for the loan, the MBTA will be renamed "boaT", "Bank of America Transit," including a spiffy new logo. Charlie Cards will be phased out. Instead, Bank of America debit cards will be required to access buses, subways, and commuter rail. All riders will have to open an account with the bank. Lee Suedeshoe from the T-Riders union says, "I may be going out on a limb here, but I think this is an example of public/private partnerships getting a little out of control?"
Conspicuously absent from the press event was State Senator Stan Lemour, chair of the Transportation Committee, who was stuck in traffic. LivableStreets Alliance talked with him on his cell phone and he said, "Shit, I should have taken the train. Oh, this is off the record, right?"
Flurry of emails indicate "Obesity Epidemic" is a hoax
The unauthorized release last week of hundreds of e-mail messages from the Harvard School of Public Health threatens to undermine decades of work and has badly damaged public trust in the scientific enterprise. Active Living by Design professionals across the country have taken a vicious beating in the media and on the Internet, accused of hiding data, covering up errors and suppressing alternate views, in what the Heriton Foundation is lustfully calling "Chubby-gate." Opponents of healthy eating and physical activity are claiming that Harvard has been over-estimating the negative health impacts of obesity.
Stu Mallard, board member of LivableStreets Alliance whose "Healthy Transportation" initiative has helped shape policy in Massachusetts, asserts, "I'm out of a job! The era of repurposing of our streets for bicycling, walking, and riding transit has come to an end."
But there will certainly be advocacy jobs elsewhere. AAA of Southern New England has just launched a new campaign urging parents to drive their children to school, touting benefits such as "a great way for kids to see the city." The program, "Safe-ish Routes to School" includes incentives, like McDonalds gift certificates, to parents who turn in their child's bicycle or log in the most car trips with their children. McDonalds CEO John Skinny said in an interview, "This is the break we have been waiting for!"
In addition, AAA is secretly scheming ways to help Boston attain "Most Drivable City" status, as awarded annually by the Association of American Automobile Manufacturers Association.
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